City Rain

City Rain

Monday, November 7, 2011

In my head again?

Welcome back =). Please don't leave again.

A long time ago, in the summer of 2008, I met some new friends. These friends weren't like any other friends I used to have. These friends would become the first that would lift me up in times of sorrow. These friends would also help me always put others before myself. Yet over the years, I drifted apart from them and they from me. There is only one left that I still try to stay in contact with. It's not working out too well but it's better than nothing. I loved these friends with all my heart. I used to mean something to them, I used to be needed. Now, I'm almost forgotten, my deeds disintegrating. Who would remember what I did for them? Who would remember how I lifted them up and how they lifted me up? Who would remember those long nights and the comfort that was given? Huh.

...Who would indeed...


Sunday, November 6, 2011

Well, it's me again. What more do I get to whine about today? Letsee... I only got one little spatch I gotta say. I'm such an optimist, it's almost sickening. I keep saying that I won't fall in love again, or even have feelings for a girl again, but unfortunately, they keep coming back. There's this one girl at my work who I find to be attractive, both in physical form and personality. She smiles at me every time I walk by and I can't help but laugh every time she does smile at me. I always ask, "What'd I do?" She'd say, "Oh nothing." I'd say afterwards, "You always smile at me every time I walk by. It makes me feel like I did something that I don't know about." She would turn her head to the bags, still grinning. I better not be falling. That's the last thing I need. Another relationship that will last only two months. Wonderful. What'll even be worse is when I can not tell her how I feel. Oh crap. I'm feeling.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Pretty sad that I can't let go of this blog huh? It is extremely theraputic for me. It helps me get all my thoughts out so I can sleep well. Hmm, where do I begin? Well, it feels like I won't ever amount to anything. My dad gave me this long talk about how I'm lucky that I'm a Native American because of all the scholarships that I could get. What's the use of that when I'm just a lazy kid? There's all this potential money that I could get but I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. You can thank my mom's genes for that one. I just... I don't know. There's just too much that I want. I want to be free of the addiction that holds me bound, I want to go to a school that actually has an excellent music program, I want to have my life all figured out. There's one thing I don't want. I don't want to fall in love ever again. I'd rather live my life alone. What woman would possibly want me when I'm still fighting my addiction? None. I don't deserve one. I don't want one. I hope I'm meant to spend my life alone. I could get a cabin of my own and I could provide for just myself.
Am I being selfish? Most likely so. I just want to live a happy life or at the least, be content with what I have. I want to find that girl that will complete me in every way and legitimitely love me and not just because of the attention I give her.

Will I get these things? Mostly. Just not the girl.


Monday, September 5, 2011

I've decided that my blog is far too depressing and it definitely needs a change. So therefore, I shall make a new blog with a whole new purpose, which shall be explained in it's newest post. So see you later!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Comment on Adam Young's (Owl City) Blog Post; August 29th, 2011 at 6:13 p.m. (
Addendum says:
Hello dear friend :D

As one musician to another, this collaboration brought a very beautiful result. I hope for two things.

One: Perhaps we shall see more amazing collaborations with other artists :). It matters not who it is with, as long as something truly amazing is brought about and if you find joy within it.

Two: Perhaps one day we shall collaborate. Hahaha, it may seem like a dream that could possibly never be realized, but I have hope. I may be a simple cellist and a composer, but maybe someday I’ll have the honor of joining you in creating a new song that will remain with us for the rest of our lives, and beyond.

Hahaha, I don’t know if you’ll ever read this at all. It’s much like my belief in Santa Claus and the Polar Express. However, there is that small part of me that believes that they are real. That same part believes that perhaps you’ll stumble upon this post and wonder who this stranger is. When that day comes, be sure to tell me, eh?

Very sincerely your brother in Christ,

The boy found himself walking in some distant land. Walking along the side of a road with no sign of civilization in sight. He kept on walking. As he walked on, he reflected upon past memories. He forsook all companionship, all his friendships, all for one purpose. To find himself and to find salvation for himself. He gave it all up for an addiction that he continued to fight. A war that never seemed to end. Perhaps, he first thought, if he left it all behind, he would never have to revert back to his addiction and suffer another relapse.  If he left it behind, he wouldn't have to feel the heartbreak that came with love, or ever fear of losing his friends. Now that he's here, the boy wondered if this is what he really wanted. If he really wanted to wander for the rest of his life, with no family or friends to visit with him. He was almost certain that this is what he wanted. This was for his salvation. If there was no temptation, there was no suffering, no anger, and no depression. He would never have to feel hurt ever again.

Is this what I want?