Long time no see. I graduate in less than two weeks.  I am halfway done with my Eagle Project.  Did I also mention that I am stressed out of my freaking mind?  I keep having all these doubts in my head, all these nagging little things that are killing me. 
I recently had a dream about "9 instead of 24" and it involved a cello with it and it is bugging the heck out of me because it seems to me that I know what it means, I just don't remember. 
There are some friends to which I hold very dearly to my heart.  Unfortunately, I'm getting that I had with old friends that lived in Smithfield.  And it is scaring me to death.  I don't want to let go of another set.  Not again.  If it is inevitable, then so be it.  Don't expect to enjoy it one bit.
The Eagle project is halfway done.  It is bugging me.  There are some certain things that seem to start blocking it up.  It's not going to stop me though. It may stress the heck out of me but it won't stop me from completing it.

I hope I can keep it together.  I will be counting on the rain to relieve me of my stress, like it always has.

-250

There's too much going on right now.  There's too much to get done and there's not enough time to do it.  I met a girl that threw my life out of balance.  I'm so lost right now.  I have my bloody Eagle project to worry about and the deadline is slowly coming upon me.  I'm feeling a lot of pressure from those who want me to get this done and it's taking its toll on me.  I'm stressed out of my freaking mind.


The girl.  She is wonderful.  However, she's throwing everything out of wack, much more so than anyone else I've known.  I want to be around her because she makes me feel genuinely happy and feel really awesome.  What makes me sad is that I won't be the one to win her heart, mainly because I don't deserve her love or her at all.

What I really need is to leave.  I need to get out of here, live out on the road.  I don't like being rooted here, I need to go.  I just want to wander the forests and deserts without any fear of being lost or being found.  I just want to wander the woods in peace, without a care in the world.



-250

Hey, me, as always.  I don't know what to think anymore.  I want to tell her what I truly feel about her but I remember the last time I tried to become to involved in someone's life.  I ended up getting burned, another page just thrown into the fire, never to be remembered again, never to be mentioned again.  I don't want to become close to her either.  I'm afraid that the more I become involved, the more I... ... I can't even say the word anymore.  I threw it around too much.  So much that I don't understand the meaning anymore.  I don't even remember what it feels like to be held in such high esteem, to have someone who cares about you in a special way.  I want to be able to feel like that again.  To feel like that I really mean something to someone, instead of being tossed aside like a paper wad.  But, I'm only a teenager.  That means I'm not mature enough for these kinds of feelings.  I'm more than aware of that fact and I hate it.  I know that I'm not ready, but...I just want to know that I'm not dead to those feelings.  I want to know if I can still feel.  Instead of guilt, I want to feel purity.
Let's be honest, I'm not going to get the things I want, no matter how much I wish for it.  Move on? I hope so. 
Maybe...Living alone won't be such a bad thing.

-250