City Rain

City Rain

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Everything was white.  The boy couldn't see anything, he couldn't remember anything.  He walked along, wondering where he was and how he got there.  The boy stood for a moment and tried to remember.  He heard sirens, screams, and then he heard someone calling a name.  Name.  His name.  He turned around and saw a little hole in the whiteness, he saw a scene.  The boy saw a crushed car and men in...what was that color?  Blue.  He saw men in blue attending to someone lying on the ground.  The person they were attending to looked terrible.  A strange scarlet liquid was running down the person's head.  He saw other persons gathered around, several of them crying and screaming the boy's name.  The boy wondered how this person shared the same name as himself.  He looked closer at the person and couldn't recognize him.  Neither could he recognize the people who were screaming his name.  He struggled to remember but nothing came.  Nothing but his own name.  Then the boy heard a gentle voice call his name from a great distance in the whiteness.  He turned, wondering who else was there with him in the whiteness.  Approaching him was a man, clothed in white.  The one feature that stood out to the boy was the man's eyes.  His eyes were like fire, filled with warmth and...something else.  Love.  That's what it was.  The man extended his hand to the boy and said to him,

"Come with me, and you shall remember all that has transpired in that scene and you shall remember all that has happened in the past.  You were promised many things, and you have done well in life.  It's time for you to come to peace and rest which you have long desired in life."

The boy took the man's hand and felt no fear, no concern for who the man was.  The boy inexplicably knew who the man was and why he was here.  However, he could not remember the man's name.  They both walked for a long time in the whiteness, hand in hand until they reached a great gateway.  The gate opened and the boy beheld a place infinitely beyond anything he could imagine.  The man turned to the boy, smiling as he looked upon the boy's amazement.  The man then said to the boy,

"Welcome home.  There are many people who you will recognize.  People from your past, people from beyond the veil.  You will meet them after you meet someone you have known from before your life and all throughout your life.  He has watched over you all through your life.  Let us go to him."

The boy followed the man to the place where the other was waiting.  The boy looked upon the throne and saw another man, beyond all description.  The boy bowed humbly down and said,

"Hello Father."


Monday, December 20, 2010

The boy sat there, feeling oddly lifted.  He got an answer, but not in a way he expected.  An answer is an answer, right?  He didn't feel terrible or sad.  He felt pretty good.  He knew an answer, he wasn't confused anymore.  That takes care of that problem.  Now he could focus.  And move on.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

The boy was confused.  His feelings were all over the place.  He wasn't sure of who he liked anymore.  He wasn't sure of anything for that matter.  Who is the right girl?  What was he going to do about college?  What was he to do about his grades?  Things weren't making sense at all.  All the boy wanted were answers.  He was done with asking questions.  Why couldn't anyone ever answer him straight?  He wasn't sure of what was truth and what was lie.  He felt his head beginning to cave in.  Every last one of his troubles, questions, and uncertainties were beginning to collapse on top of him.  The boy tried to run, escape from his mind, but he couldn't find any exists.  There were too many of his thoughts overpowering him.  The boy tried to think of the answers, but he didn't know most of them.  He needed to find the answers before he broke down again.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

The boy walked on, headphones in, smiling to his friends as he walked on by through the school hallways.  Yet, they didn't know the inner battle that was raging within the boy.  The boy was suffering internally.  Things were going wrong.  His grades were failing, he didn't know if he was ever going to make it to college, he didn't think that he was ever going to have a family he could come to after work, if he ever was going to get a job.  So many doubts clouded the boy's mind and heart, yet, doubt's opponent was his hope and faith.  Somehow, the boy knew that he would make it.  He didn't know how or when, he just knew he would.  The boy knew of what awaited great and marvelous things awaited him in the future.  That was the boy's goal.  He wanted to know what those things would become.  That was his resolve, to make sure that the road's end would be a happy and beautiful one.  The boy walked on, headphones in, smiling to his friends as he walked on by through the school hallways.


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn let it all burn,
This hurricane chasing us all underground.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Winter Air

Winter. A time of love between family and friends. Winter. A time for friends to get together and enjoy one another's company.  Winter. One of the best times to take pictures. Winter. A time where snow is magical.  Winter. A time for inspiration for artists, poets, writers, and musicians alike. Winter. A time for making snowmen, snowballs, and memories.
Winter. A time for love.
When the snow first falls, there is excitement all around.  It is a time for renewal and cleansing as the snow blankets the ground, creating a white wonderland.  In the mind of the children, Christmas is coming.  Oh how excited they are!  The joy in their faces as they are told stories of Santa Claus and Rudolf the Rednose Reindeer.  Their determination to be good in time for Santa Claus so that they may get presents.
In the mind of teenagers, it's a time to get along with family and friends.  This is a time for them to hope for winter romances and to hope for miracles.  It is a time for skiing, snowboarding, sledding and other outdoor activities. It is also a time to snuggle up in a warm blanket with hot cocoa and sitting in front of the fireplace, watching the fire and reminiscing about the past, the present, and the future.
In the mind of parents and young married couples, this is a time to do something nice for their family, however small it may be.  They remember what Christmas truly means. But, they must remember the miracle of the falling snow. They must remember, what joy it brings to many, and what joy it brings to themselves when they are with the one they love as they watch the snow fall.

Now whether you be a child, a teen, or an adult, you must remember the true meaning of Christmas and what binds us together when the snow falls. 


Merry Christmas. May you remember.-250

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The boy was running.  He had no idea how he got there, but there he was, running.  He didn't know where he was going or why he was running, but he was still running.  As the boy looked above him, he found birds flying above him, at the exact same speed.  He then looked around and found himself in a familiar place.  He finally was able to stop and take in the sight that surrounded him.  The boy found surprisingly he was in his old neighborhood in which he grew up most of his life.  Everything was the way it was when he was living there.  Then the boy got the strangest urge to run again.  So he started running down the street he knew so well.  All of a sudden, trees began to pop up around him.  The boy kept on running as more trees began to grow at surprising rates.  His neighborhood was quickly becoming a forest.  He kept on running until at last, there were no houses left, just a giant forest.  Then the boy woke up, dripping with sweat, wondering what on earth did the dream mean.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

As the music turned on, the boy disappeared into a world.  A world far different from his own.  He disappeared to a place where he felt at peace, where he felt he could do anything he wanted.  First, he became a hero that moved faster than the speed of light.  He then jumped off a cliff and found that he could fly to anywhere in the world.  He found he could heal people, in more ways than he realized.  He was a mighty soldier that saved his fellow brothers in arms.  He then became a father who had a wonderful wife and children who were destined for greatness.  He then found himself amongst a group of friends at the top of a snowy hillside.  He takes off, starting to ski down a steep snow side, and then goes right off a jump.  The boy felt free, almost close to flying.  He then is in a much different place now.  The boy looks to his sides and finds that he has wings instead of hands, claws instead of feet.  He looks down at his reflection, and finds that he is an owl.  He decides to test out his newfound body.  He gets a running start and soon finds there's no ground left.  The boy closes his eyes and hopes that he will know what to do.  He opens his eyes and finds that he is not falling, but instead flying.  His greatest wish.  The boy flew on, taking in the world at great wonder.  The sheer joy of it was enough to take his breath away.  It felt good, having the wind flow around him like a warm blanket.  The boy felt free from troubles and worries.  For once, he felt like he didn't need anything else in his life.  All he needed was the wind, the sky, and the warm sun on his back.  Then, all at once, he began to fall.  He tried to flap but he wasn't gaining any altitude.  He instead fell, fell, fell until he realized he was back.  Back to reality.  The song was over, but curiously, the feelings of flight never left the boy.  It remained forever within his heart.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Monday, November 22, 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

It snowed.  The boy got his keys and headed out the door.  He needed this drive.  He needed some time to think.  As he pulled out of the driveway, he looked at his home and then drove off, knowing that he would be safe while on the road.  He continued to drive along the main street of his town, not knowing where this road would take him, he just knew that he was going somewhere.  The boy turned up his Owl City mix and noticed that as he was listening to a song, he saw early Christmas lights.  So many colors of red, blue, yellow, and green.  He soon became lost in a world of color and music while he kept in mind that he needed to focus in order to drive safetly.  The boy had the strangest feeling as he noticed the drivers in front of him and behind him.  He felt a strange kinship to those drivers.  They were all on the road with him, even if they were heading to a different destination or not even going anywhere at all.  Perhaps most of them had the same reason why he was on the road.  Perhaps they needed to clear their heads and think things over.  Whatever the reason, they were on the road with him.  The boy continued until he went past a beautiful building called the Mount Timpanogos Temple.  He slowed down to take a look at this building and noticed that all the rooms were dark and no one was in the parking lot.  Just when he was about to leave the building behind, he saw a bright light within the temple.  The boy stopped and looked back at the temple.  He knew what that bright light was.  He had an overwhelming desire to go inside to see that bright light but he knew that he wasn't ready.  He promised himself that he would be ready for that bright light to visit him, whenever that might be.  He calmly put his car in drive and continued on the road.  The boy watched the scenery go by as he continued driving on the street lit road.  He noticed a beautiful park on his right and kept in mind that he needed to return to this park when he got the chance.  He didn't know why, he just knew that there was something at that park.  Something that he needed to see for himself.  As the boy approached the roundabout, he decided that it was time to go home.  "Will I ever go on trips like these again?" the boy mused to himself.  He decided that whenever he had the opportunity, he would go again.  The boy felt his mind cleared away of all things and found that he felt warm inside.  He knew that Christmas wasn't that far away.  Once the snow truly settled in, the boy knew that something special would happen.  He didn't know when, he just knew something was going to happen.  As the boy finally pulled into his house's driveway, he made a promise to himself.  He would be ready at all times, whatever it may be, he would be ready.  The boy got out of the car, looked into the snow cloud sky and walked inside to his warmth filled house.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Alright. I can't take it anymore. I've been trying and trying to avoid this fact but I just can't avoid it anymore. There must be a reason why I keep seeing you in my dreams. Why when I think about you, I feel all excited and feel...different. So what is that reason? It's one that is heard many times, but isn't said with real meaning. If I could go up to you and tell you without fear at all about how I really feel about you, I would. I know I'm head over heels for you but, now isn't the time. It's too early. When the right moment comes, I will tell you everything. I will tell you how I feel about you. But two obstacles remain. Will that feeling stay? Will you ever talk to me again?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

So, here we are.  You're not talking to me.  I'm a little curious as to why you won't talk to me.  What did I do to make you not talk to me anymore?  Hmm?  I tried to talk to you, get some conversation going, trying to keep our friendship alive, but my efforts are in vain.  You talk to others, comment on other people's responses, except my own.  What did I do?  No matter, I had to expect it sooner or later.  Friends like you never seem to stay for long.  Those friends used to be my closest friends, until they started to fade away.  I remember trying to keep them, find some way to keep them in my life, but all I could do is watch helplessly as they began to slip through my fingers.  You're doing the exact same thing.  Now whether it be intentional or not, it doesn't seem to matter anymore.  You're just giving up.  I did what I could, but apparently, it wasn't enough.  So this is my farewell to you my friend.  Only God knows if our paths shall ever cross again.  And only God will know of this farewell to you.  Goodbye, goodbye.  One thing is for certain though.  I don't think I ever met a person like you.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

I want to go back.  Back to that forest of aspen trees.  I found peace and solitude.  The things that I longed for.  It helped clear my head.  I miss it.  I gained so many answers.  All along the breath of the wind.  Even though I walked alone, I never felt alone.  Would it be so bad if I lived my life alone in that aspen tree forest?  I'd be away from the world, it'd be my own personal sanctuary.  Free to be where the music is untamed and free.  Free for me to find answers to questions I have not even come up with yet.  But, I'm stuck here in the city.  In a place where there the tame lives and where people never sleep.  Is there no peace within the city?


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fall Photos (finally)

Alright, so I'm having trouble uploading the pictures on this blog so if you know my facebook, you can find it there. Thanks!

Monday, October 18, 2010

I am one of the strangest people I know.  I have two of the strangest feelings right now. 
The first one:  Everything feels alright.  Like everything is falling into place.  Like God seems alright with me.  I like it, it feels good to know that I'm good in my Father's sight.  Things seem to be going well.
The second one: Something is going to happen or something good is happening right now.  I can't explain it as well.  But something will happen, something good.  I feel excited, happy, and high spirited.

I must've done something right to gain these feelings.  Maybe it was because I finally let go.  Finally stopped wondering who my eternal companionn is and where she is.  I'm not concerned anymore.  I know she's out there.  All I got to do is make the right choices, make the right decisions.  How will I know I'm on the right path?  By simply feeling the way I am right now.  I know I'm on the right track and I think it's safe to say, she's closer.  I'm almost there, I just need to do the right things now.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

You and I have changed, haven't we? We ended up going to separate paths.  Yet, you never did let go, did you?  When I told you to let go, to forget about me because you and I were never going to see each other, you still held on to some hope that we could be something.  I didn't want to say it, but I was skeptical.  I didn't think it could happen.  I don't think it will.  Yet, you're still hoping.  Anything I say won't kill your hope.  What am I going to do with you?  My plan is waiting.  I still have my mission to serve.  It'll give me plenty of time away and it'll help me discover myself.  Granted, I already know who I am, but maybe, it'll help me discover something I never even knew about myself.  Something I've never known.  I can't wait until I'm 19.  That's when I'll make the journey from A to B.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Fall Photo Update #2

Alrighty, so in about a week or so, I will be joining my dad on this year's deer hunt. I will be hunting, however for something else different. Photographs. Excellent ones. You see, my dad came back from elk hunting without an elk but with amazing photos of an aspen tree forest and on top of mountain ranges. I am not going to miss it now that I have this incredible opportunity for incredible fall photos. The only requirement for this trip, however, is to take care of school related assignments. Once those are taken care of, I am free to go on this trip. This is all for the sake of photos (and/or possible deer jerky... =d).  Anyway, take care! I will eventually post more writing stuff once I find the time and if I am possibly inspired to do so.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

What do you want from me?  This is the fifth time now you have appeared in my dreams.  Each dream is the same one.  You're smiling at me but each time, your eyes change.  It first was bright, then it was dark and it alternated.  It makes me wonder. I see you smiling but you're hiding something.  Your eyes betray you.  You got really good at hiding your pain, haven't you?  So good that everyone remains oblivious to your pain.  No one knows and life moves on.  But I see it.  I see right past your smile and I see the pain and suffering in your eyes.  I am not ignorant, I am not oblivious to it.  I intend to do something about it.  A long time ago, I would've shrunk away.  Not this time.  Nor ever again.  Let me help you in whatever way I can.  I can help.  Just say the word, and I'm your man.  Just say when.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Waking Up

Waking Up by OneRepublic (click to go to song on youtube)

I found verity on Nolan's Avenue
Down where the air is sweet as L.A. skies are blue
The water tried to break it down but it held through
It gave a little for the sake of staying true

We cut ties, we tell lies, we hate change,
And we wanna claim where we feel
We take toes, we rake yours, yeah we dig holes
And we're diggin right in your fears

We're waking up, we're waking up
And right on time, and right on time
We'll take these roads, we'll break them up
And right on time, and right on time

We got cars, we write laws, we won't pause
Don't you know we're always working this hard?
We don't lose, we might bruise, yeah
But we'll rain fire on you till you're playing all your cards

We're waking up, we're waking up
And right on time, and right on time
We'll take these roads, we'll break them up
And right on time, and right on time

On time, right on time
Waking up, waking up, yeah
Ooh, oh, ooh

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Second Conversation

"Well well well, look at where you are now.  Still lost and without guidance."
What do you want?
"You know what I want.  I want the world and its demise.  I want your demise as well."
How do you plan on accomplishing that?
"It's already working."
"The world is already become disgusting and corrupted.  You, on the other hand, I'm wearing you down.  Sooner or  later, you will surrender."
You sound so certain.
"I know I'm certain."
You won't stop me.
"I detect hesitancy in your voice."
There is none.
"I think there is.  Tell me, why are you so confused and lost?"
I'm not confused and lost anymore.
"Why is that?"
Because I know who I was, I know who I am, and I know who I will become.
"And that's supposed to help you?"
It is. Have you noticed that every time you struck me down, I always end up rising again?
"Yes. It angers me."
You cannot stop me.  This time, it's different from that summer.  I know your tricks and your ways of trying to destroy me.  Because of that knowledge I have, I will continue to rise up because I keep discovering answers.
"No longer confused?"
Yes, no longer confused.  Because I decided to search for it instead of waiting for it.  I keep learning and growing from the knowledge I seek from the scriptures.
"What about love? You don't know where she is or how you will find her."
It's true, I don't know where she is, but I know I will find her.  I won't be consumed with looking but, I will still search, and I will find her because I know I'm getting closer.
"You're not going to find her."
I'm done listening to you. You need to leave.
"What's going to stop me from coming back?"
That doesn't matter. I know how to get rid of you. I learned, I have the Spirit, and I can drive you away. You may have power, but so do I.
You're done here. Because everytime you come, I will smile and laugh and be happy because I know that angers you more than anything. That is my promise. I am ready and able.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Storm

Matthew 14: 22-33

22     And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.
23     And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
24     But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.
25     And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26     And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27     But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28     And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29     And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30     But when he was the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31    And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32    And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33    Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

Storm by Lifehouse
How long have I 
Been in this storm 
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form 
Water's getting harder to tread 
With these waves crashing over my head 

If I could just see you 
Everything will be alright 
If I'd see you 
The storminess will turn to light 

And I will walk on water 
And you will catch me if I fall 
And I will get lost into your eyes 
And everything will be alright 
And everything will be alright 

I know you didn't 
Bring me out here to drown 
So why am I 10 feet under and upside down 
Barely surviving has become my purpose 
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface 

If I could just see you 
Everything will be alright 
If I could just see you 
This darkness will turn to light 

And I will walk on water 
And you will catch me if I fall 
And I will get lost into your eyes 
And everything will be alright 

And I will walk on water 
You will catch me if I fall 
And I will get lost into your eyes 
And everything will be alright 
I know everything is alright 
Everything's alright 

See the connection yet?

Monday, September 27, 2010

Recently, I have been looking back at my life, and I realized that since the summer of 2009 up until the beginning of the summer of 2010, it has been the lowest and darkest time of my life.  How do I know this? I found a poem that I wrote. Hahahaha, I wasn't always a happy smiley guy...

Date: 10/10/09
Title: The Prayer of a Lost Soul

Is anyone there?
Can anyone hear me?
Can anyone hear the cries of a lost soul?
Please, someone hear me.

I strayed from the rod,
I fell away from the path,
I am lost in a mist of darkness,
Please, someone hear me.

The tree of joy is in my sight.
But the closer I get, the farther it is.
I can't reach it.
Please, someone help me.

A man in a white robe says, "Follow me."
I follow him, only to find that I can't find the tree.
I am so lost.
Please, someone bring me back.

I am losing faith. I am losing hope.
I feel so alone.
Who here can I talk to? Who here can I trust?
Please, someone talk to me.

I want peace. I want joy.
But I keep pushing it away.
I failed you my brother.
I'm trying so hard but I failed.

I don't want you to be sad anymore.
I hate causing you so much pain.
I need help coming back.

Please find me in this darkness.
Bring me back to your loving arms.
Be with me in my suffering.
Despite what I've done, don't leave me.

I need you here with me.
More than ever now.
I'm scared of the darkness.
I can't find my way back.

I'm causing so much pain.
So much pain to you, and to my loved ones,
Watching as I wander in the darkness,
Looking for you and them.

Please big brother, come and find me.
I am so sorry for what I've done.
I want to come back, but I am so lost.
Lead me back to your love.
My heart is full of anguish.
I keep on straying.
Please answer when I call.
I want to find my way back.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Fall Photo Warning!

Hoorah! It's almost that time of year.  The time for the fall photos!  This is just a preview for the eventuall fall photos that will be posted here.  Now the places I'm thinking of are either at Sundance or at a place called East Canyon.  Definitely looking forward to it.  My best estimate for the fall colors would be in about a week or so.  Anyway, the fall photos will be here once I go out :D.  Cya later!


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lately, I began to notice all the couples that are at my school.  Even some of my friends are going out with someone.  Yet, I wonder...Do they know what love is?  Do any of us know what love is?  They say they're in love but do they truly know what it is?  Perhaps, what they have, is only small, minuscule, compared to the real thing. But, what exactly is the real thing?  My parents say its indescribable.  Maybe that's why we don't know what it is.  Maybe it's because we have yet to experience it for ourselves.  How will we know though?  How will we know that what we experience is love?  Perhaps we'll know when we feel it.  We will know it without a doubt in our minds.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I don't get it.  I don't get it anymore.  I thought that by letting you go from my mind, that if I'd stop holding on, you would finally leave me in peace.  I thought if I didn't talk to you anymore, you would finally leave me behind. Why are you still here?  Why do you continue to torment me?!  You were supposed to leave...why didn't you leave?  You know what?  Letting go isn't going to work, because for some stupid reason, you're still here.  You're different.  Like me, you're different.  Why do you have to be different?  Why can't you be like the other girls and just leave?
Help me.  Someone help me.


Monday, September 13, 2010

The Answer

I finally figured it out.  Why you tormented me and wouldn't leave. It's because I held on.  I wouldn't let you go because I had hope that you were the one I was searching for.  But I understand now.  All I need to do is let go of you, thus making me free.  I'm glad you taught me this lesson, if unknowingly.  You know what my plan is?  I plan on slowly fading from your life.  You won't know what will be happening and you won't know that I will have disappeared.  The funny part?  You will forget about me.  You won't even realize it.  So, good bye.  You will never see my face again.  If so, that means God isn't done with us yet.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Endless Nights

The nights are getting longer.  They're always getting longer.  You know why they get longer?  Because you continue to torment me.  Why do you keep tormenting me?  You're the source of all my confusion.  I can't even like one girl anymore.  I don't know who I like anymore, because you keep coming back.  Even after I have repeatedly tried to get rid of you out of my head for good.  Normally, that would've worked on any other girl, but you.  I don't know what it is about you, but you won't leave.  Why do you stay when all others have gone?  What makes you different from the rest of them?  What is it about you that I keep coming back to?  I want to be with you, yet at the same time, I want you gone.  I hate the fact that there are certain things that constantly remind me of you.  Why are you different?  Why do you keep returning to torment me?  Just leave me alone.  I want sleep.  I need sleep.  But I can't hide within my dreams, because you'll find me there.  You already have found me there.  Those bittersweet dreams where you appear.  What can I do to get you to leave? What do you want from me?  What do you want me to do?  What I need to do is run, keep running from you.  Run far away so I can figure this out.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

What do you believe to be a major problem amongst teens today?

What I seem to find as I walk around school is that there is not just one major problem. There are many major problems that we could possibly be having. Perhaps we could be fighting addiction, trying to turn a good leaf in school, confusion from relationships, or our home lives just aren't going well. The major problem really is all those, what some consider to be small, problems that just seem to pile up and work against us, trying to destroy us. What are we to do when all these problems are against us and we don't have a way of breaking them down? I find the burden easier when you have someone to help you along the way. Yet, not very many teenagers are not as lucky as I am. They don't have the luxury of having help in bearing their burdens. Most have to do it all on their own or are too stubborn to share their load with anyone else. It is a curious irony that burdens are not something we want to share when they are far too heavy for us to carry ourselves. I find that in this mode of thinking is a matter of pride. Some people want to believe and seem to believe that they can carry their loads all by themselves, without any help whatsoever. Granted we can carry these loads, but not for very long. The truth is, we need help, whether we want it or not.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Fall is coming.  I notice it in the air and I see it in the leaves.   The leaves are slowly changing, with the barest hint of yellow.  Fall is a time of change, where the earth and the night change, where the weather gets cooler.  Does that mean a time of change for us too?  A time to right our wrongs?  Or is it only for the leaves?   Questions, questions.  Questions that can only be answered by the leaves.  Nature see more than we realize.  It knows more than we think.  Yet, most of us are so ignorant of that fact, we refuse to change.  There are those, though, who know that change is coming and are preparing for it.  So, what do we do?  Do we change our color like the leaves?  Or stay like the evergreens and never change?


Sunday, September 5, 2010


It's hard, there's no doubt about that.  So much confusion, so much pain.  So why indeed are we here?  Are we here because God has a sense of humor?  Or was there a purpose of us being here?  Life could hold one answer or the other, because, like a storm, it's unpredictable.  You never know where the lightning could strike.   But, at the same time,  there are those people who have a special foresight, good estimate of where the lightning is, and where it will strike.  But who has the foresight?  Who can possibly know when and where?  Who knows when you'll be struck?  What kind of struck am I talking about?  That's up to you.  Because, I'm still trying to figure that one out.


Monday, August 30, 2010

Purpose of The Photographer's Cabin

You know, I've been giving it some thought about why I created this blog.  I think I may have the solution to my question as to why I have this blog.  I think I want to offer some insight as to what I see, because the stuff I see, the stuff I notice, not very many people can see.  Whether it be some insight on life that I have learned or photographs I have taken, it's all what I see and what I understand.  So far, all I have had were some pics and some writing stuff, but eventually I'll put up some funnies or more pictures, once the opportunity comes along (assuming I spelled opportunity right...).  Well, so long for now and more stuff will be coming.  Maybe...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Profound Question

What is the heart?  What causes it to feel?  To beat?  To race when running or standing next to someone?  What is it about the heart that we love, and hate, so much?  Maybe we're better off not delving, not seeking to know why our hearts love and why our hearts break.  But that's not human nature.  That's not why we're here.  It's because of human nature that we understand, that makes us different.  Yet, sometimes, we hate being different.  We hate our hearts that causes us so much pain.  But at the same time, we are grateful that we have hearts.  Because we can love, it can cause healing and happiness instead of hurt and pain.  The problem is, the heart is unpredictable.  It's a variable, not one that can be read easily.  So what do you do? 
What can you do?  Never show your heart?  Or make it so it can be shown?  The real question is, what will cause it the most damage?  Never giving your heart keeps you safe, invulnerable, away from harm.  Showing your heart.  Showing your heart.  It makes you vulnerable, suceptible to harm.  Yet, many choose to show their hearts, despite the dangers that await them.  Why?  Because they choose to take a chance.  Take a chance on the person whose heart they give.  What are their chances?  No one knows. 

We are such peculiar creatures.  Completely illogical, we believe.  We believe that there is someone out there for us.  We believe because for many, it's all they have.  All they have is faith.  Because they have faith, they defy chance, stupify logic, and confound the natural man.  We believe.  That's all.  It may not seem a whole lot, but it's enough.  What if it's not enough?  What if faith is not enough for you?  What if you believe that "true love" doesn't exist?  That you'll never find it?  The answer is, you keep moving on.  You fight for what you want, even if your opponent is the world.  It may seem like an impossible task, but you know what the funny thing about the word "impossible?"  Impossible = I'm possible. 

That person is out there for you.  Praying for you, loving you, waiting for you, and working to find you.
Are you going to look for them too?  Search dilligently.  They could be near, they could be far.  The only way to know is to go and look.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Conversation between A Man and the Devil

"Why can't you sleep?"
I'm restless.
"Why is it hard to go to sleep?"
I can't sleep.
"Why can't you sleep?"
I don't know.
"You're lying.  What's the real reason?"
I just can't.
"Why do you care so much about people you've just met?"
Because its who I am.
"You can't change the world.  You can't even change a life."
What if I did?
"You broke someone's heart.  You went against your creed."
I had no choice.
"You had no choice.  You had a choice to keep it, and you instead threw it away."
You're the liar.  You know exactly why I had to end it.  Why I can't take her back.
"You threw away your second chance with her.  You broke your creed."
Do you even know what my creed is?
"'Never hurt those who know you.'"  Only fools would care about breaking someone's heart."
I stand by those words.  I learned my lesson.
"But I know what you want.  What you want most in this life."
What do I want?
"Hahaha, you want love.  You want someone who believes you are 'something special' and who believes you are 'unlike any other person she has met.'  Grow up already, she's not here.  You thought you found her, didn't you?  Well guess what?  That wasn't her.  She loved you and you broke her heart by leaving her for no apparent reason."
I have a reason.
"Oho?  Pray tell what this reason is."
A gut feeling.
"A gut feeling.  Do you know how pathetic that is?"
It's not.
"Of course it's not.  You think it's the Holy Ghost.  You think that God told you to end it."
I know it was him.  I don't know why He told me but I know it was for a reason.
"Was it worth it?"
I don't know yet.
"You let her go.  You're weak and pathetic.  I feel sorry for whatever girl crosses your way."
I'm weak?  Do you see where I am now?  I beat you that summer, remember?  Because I had help from that same God who told me to break up with her.
"Ah that summer, it was fun watching you suffer, until you started realizing you had a weapon that would strike me down."
Christ.  He brought me back.  He kept me alive while you were taunting me and telling me to end my life.  Why are you here?  You cannot win.  You will not win.  I have His blessing.  He always catches me.
"Because I will not give up until I see you miserable like me.  I'm wearing you down.  You're lost, confused, and are tired."
Then I will never stop relying upon Him.  Even if my heart is broken, even if I never find the girl, even if I feel like quitting, I will never stop relying upon Him.
"Your foolishness amuses me, but still is impressive.  Why do you hope for something that will never come?"
Two things.  I believe in defying the odds and I have faith that I will find her.  You have no power here anymore.  You have no power over my life now.  Leave me now and trouble me no longer.
"Leave?! Leave?!  You can't tell me to LEAVE!
Leave me now.  You have no power, no glory.  You have caused me nothing but misery.  Living in darkness isn't exactly a living.  You cannot extinguish my inner fire.
"I'll be waiting for you, in your moment of weakness.  When that happens, I will come back."
Leave me.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Depart Hence.

The following scripture tells a similar story:
Moses 1: 12-22

Monday, August 16, 2010

Marching On

Ok, before I start, this is a new theme song to my life.  I am very picky when it comes to choosing new theme songs.  I want a theme song that sounds good and has good meaning to the lyrics.  Well, that's pretty much how I choose all of my songs, whether they are theme songs or not.  I'm just weird like that. Nothing wrong with that, but yeah.  I will post the lyrics and the link to the music video because, hey, I want to share my love of music with others.

Marching On by OneRepublic

For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love’s what you hate,
We keep marching on.

For those nights when I couldn’t be there,
I’ve made it harder to know that you know,
That somehow,
We’ll keep moving on.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For all of the plans we’ve made,
There isn’t a flag I’d wave,
Don’t care if we bend,
I’d sink us to swim,

We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For those doubts that swirl all around us,
For those lives that tear at the seams,
We know,
We’re not what we’ve seen,

For this dance we’ll move with each other.
There ain’t no other step than one foot,
Right in front of the other.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For all of the plans we’ve made,
There isn’t a flag I’d wave,
Don’t care if we bend,
I’d sink us to swim,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

We’ll have the days we break,
And we’ll have the scars to prove it,
We’ll have the bonds that we save,
But we’ll have the heart not to lose it.

For all of the times we’ve stopped,
For all of the things I’m not.

We put one foot in front of the other,
We move like we ain’t got no other,
We go when we go,
We’re marching on.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
Right, right,

We’re marching on.

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

Allow me to explain why I chose this song in particular.  Apart it being an awesome sounding song, it means something.  To me, it means that I gotta keep going, even when things aren't going according to plan.  There is no giving up, no surrendering to sorrow or depression.  You keep marching on.  You keep going. 

The drums in the song, represents two things.  Your footsteps and your heart.  Your heart will keep beating, even after heartbreak or some other traumatic event.  Your footsteps are what keeps you moving. 

In a march, there is no stopping until the march has ended.  There are no early endings.  You keep moving and showing, that even in the face of sorrow, you will continue onward, in hopes of better days. 

Now there's a good chance that I pretty much over did it in my reasoning to this song, but that's how I see it. 

I cannot stress it enough.  Keep Marching On.
-Drew (250)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Decision

Life decisions are the hardest ones to make, I find.  Life decisions are not ones to be taken lightly like any other decision you make.  It's tough, sometimes near impossible, depending on the situation.  After you make the decision, you wonder, "Did I do the right thing? Was I supposed to make that decision?"  Sometimes, you will hate yourself for making that decision. But the thing is, there was a reason for it. A purpose that will show itself when the time is right, after you have made that decision. 

Many find that one of life's hardest decisions involves relationships.  Break ups.  Taking a chance on someone.  Mostly the decision to break-up with someone.  Now, granted, there are reasons for a break-up. But the question is this: What if the relationship was going very well and you had to end it for no reason at all? It's one that raises eyebrows and questions the motive of that person.  Why end it when all is well?  Why break their hearts and your own in the process for a something based on a hunch or a gut-feeling?

I'm a person who relies upon such gut-feelings.  It helps me know what others are feeling.  It lets me know when something, good or bad, is about to happen.  I find that such feelings are never, ever wrong.  But, what if it meant ending something so wonderful?  Something that you will hate yourself for?

Now, I've always been the break-upee, never the break-upper.  I stand for the idea that you should never hurt a person in any way possible.  But I recently made a decision.  A decision that was almost impossible for me to do.  Be the break-upper.  I hated the process with a passion.  It was against what I stood for.  I repeat, I hated it.  I broke her heart, and shattered mine in the process.  The thought that constantly plagued me was, did I make the right decision?  I'm told that I did make the right decision. But I don't know if I should believe it myself.  I don't break hearts.  I don't shatter them.  I mend, heal, and preserve the heart.  Yet here I am, the first time I broke a heart.  It's not something to be proud of.  Ever. 

So I had an encounter with her today.  It was way awkward...she asked if we could still be friends, to which I replied yes.  But the thing is, she pretty much hates my guts right now.  Will she forgive me? I don't know.  But I cannot dwell on the past.  I must continue onward.  Gotta keep going.  I learned my lesson.  Let's hope I don't make the same mistake again....

-From the Journal Entry of Spartan-250. Date: 8/7/2010