City Rain

City Rain

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hey, me, as always.  I don't know what to think anymore.  I want to tell her what I truly feel about her but I remember the last time I tried to become to involved in someone's life.  I ended up getting burned, another page just thrown into the fire, never to be remembered again, never to be mentioned again.  I don't want to become close to her either.  I'm afraid that the more I become involved, the more I... ... I can't even say the word anymore.  I threw it around too much.  So much that I don't understand the meaning anymore.  I don't even remember what it feels like to be held in such high esteem, to have someone who cares about you in a special way.  I want to be able to feel like that again.  To feel like that I really mean something to someone, instead of being tossed aside like a paper wad.  But, I'm only a teenager.  That means I'm not mature enough for these kinds of feelings.  I'm more than aware of that fact and I hate it.  I know that I'm not ready, but...I just want to know that I'm not dead to those feelings.  I want to know if I can still feel.  Instead of guilt, I want to feel purity.
Let's be honest, I'm not going to get the things I want, no matter how much I wish for it.  Move on? I hope so. 
Maybe...Living alone won't be such a bad thing.


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