City Rain

City Rain

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Pretty sad that I can't let go of this blog huh? It is extremely theraputic for me. It helps me get all my thoughts out so I can sleep well. Hmm, where do I begin? Well, it feels like I won't ever amount to anything. My dad gave me this long talk about how I'm lucky that I'm a Native American because of all the scholarships that I could get. What's the use of that when I'm just a lazy kid? There's all this potential money that I could get but I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. You can thank my mom's genes for that one. I just... I don't know. There's just too much that I want. I want to be free of the addiction that holds me bound, I want to go to a school that actually has an excellent music program, I want to have my life all figured out. There's one thing I don't want. I don't want to fall in love ever again. I'd rather live my life alone. What woman would possibly want me when I'm still fighting my addiction? None. I don't deserve one. I don't want one. I hope I'm meant to spend my life alone. I could get a cabin of my own and I could provide for just myself.
Am I being selfish? Most likely so. I just want to live a happy life or at the least, be content with what I have. I want to find that girl that will complete me in every way and legitimitely love me and not just because of the attention I give her.

Will I get these things? Mostly. Just not the girl.


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