Me and my mouth. I always seem to have a way of screwing things up for myself. I ranted about Justin Bieber fans and I have offended a couple of people who were Justin Bieber fans. So, I feel like crap. I am not looking forward to going to school tomorrow. So what I plan on doing is not speaking a word for a whole week and plan on avoiding everyone for a while now.  Basically, going back to how I was before Junior year. Back to one of my personal hells. Not speaking, being alone, talking to no one but myself.  Why do I screw these things up for myself? What makes me say these things without thinking? They say it only takes one bad deed to break many good deeds. I think I destroyed my friendships. The one thing I never wanted to do. Yet, I did it anyway.  What kind of a friend am I? 

"How many times can I break till I shatter? Over the line, can't define what I'm after..."

-250

Goodbye apathy, I don't wanna be you.

-250

I'm one strange soul.  You know, there are those people who like being in the city and think that everything happens in the city.  Then there are those few who do not like the city.  Those people like the small towns in isolated places, kinda like out in the middle of nowhere.  I'm one of those people.  I'll admit it, the city sometimes has its charms.  But living in the city? It ain't worth it.  I'm sorry but it ain't worth it.  There's too much noise, too much light, and too much drama.  I believe myself to be a person with a young body and an old spirit.  I always seem to have a curiousity for things ancient and old.  It makes me feel uplifted, especially when I'm in an old, small town, like Beaver, UT, for example.  I think the reason why I like small towns so much is because of two things.  One: It's a place of memories old and almost forgotten.  I'm a geek when it comes to that.  There's just so much history there, it's completely fascinating to me.  Two: because a town is classified as a "small town," I like to think that everyone in that town seems to know each other.  My dad grew up in Blanding, and that's how he described living in a small town.  Everyone seemed to know each other, establishing a sort of connection with one another.  Being the person that I am, I want to be in a place where I know a lot of people and are friends with them.  Plus, I like how those towns are away from the city, away from light pollution and stuff like that, so I can see the stars better.  Some prefer cities, others prefer small towns.  To each his own.

-250

The boy layed upon his bed, still wishing, still dreaming, still wondering.  His thoughts constantly wandered to those he let go of.  Those he probably wouldn't ever see again.  Yet, he could not help but think of them.  He loved them dearly to his heart.  The boy had done much for those missing from his life, and the missing had done much for him.  They helped him understand who he was and helped shape him into who he is now.  The boy began missing them even more.  He began to formulate ideas that would help him see them again.  But he struck each one of them down, knowing that they would not work.  What could he do?  What can he do?

-250

The boy grabbed his keys, ran out the door, and turned on the car.  He waited for a few minutes for his car to warm up and then pulled out of the driveway into the streetlit road.  The boy couldn't stay much longer here.  He needed to leave this city.  This city full of bustling cars, jammed up freeways, and parking lots filled with litter and shopping karts.  The boy followed State Street and then turned a right on 8th North and continued onward.  He would pass by his friend's house soon and for a second, wondered if he should take his friend with him.  The boy continued on.  His friend doesn't need to go.  He was always quite content with life anyway.  He wouldn't understand.  The boy reached an intersection and wondered which way he should go.  Either way would be fine.  He then chose the left road which led him to a canyon road.  He followed the road until he reached a shady woodland road.  The boy breahted out a sigh of relief.  He finally got away from the city of concrete into the refuge of the forest road.  The boy felt at peace as he followed the leaf ridden road up the mountain side.  He opened his window, took a breath of cold, crisp air and knew he was home.  The boy reached the summit of the mountain and looked down upon the streetlit city.  It looked beautiful from here, but only he knew what was held within the city.  The boy looked up into the cloudy grey sky and then saw a tiny snowflake fall upon his eye.  He then looked around him and saw that it was snowing.  It was strange.  Even though the snow was supposed to be cold, he inexplicably felt warm on the outside and the inside.

-250

The boy wasn't quite sure where he was now.  It looked like a snow fall city.  It was night time.  The boy walked around to see if he could find anyone in the snowy night.  All he saw was the pale streetlights all along the road.  It wasn't dark, due to the snow.  He continued to walk, not knowing who he would meet.  All at once, he heard a song that made his heart leap.  He heard bells and music coming from somewhere.  He heard someone singing, "Stay with me, stay with me, the refuge from these broken dreams, wait right here, awake with me, on silent snow filled streets..."  The boy heard the bells much louder this time, filling his heart with warmth on the cold snowy night.  He walked until he found the source of the bells, coming from a tall and beautiful cathedral.  He reached the entrance of the stone building and entered in.  The boy found the cathedral to be very warm and comforting.  The boy sat on a bench and listened to the bells from that New York City cathedral.

-250

It was a new year.  Six more months until the boy would finally graduate.  Yet, the boy's mind wasn't on his graduation.  Memories of the past began to visit him.  Old friends, old heartbreaks.  He missed them.  They would never know but he missed his old friends terribly.  He thought he would forget about them, just as they forgot about him but they never left his mind.  He found himself wondering about what was going on in their lives, if they needed him again, like they did before.  The boy knew, however, that he was never going to find out.  He wouldn't be able to meet them again.  He already said his farewells on that graduation day in 2010.  They, however, didn't know that it was the last time they would see the boy.  The boy felt tears welling up on that painful day.  Yet, the boy had the strangest feeling when he went to their graduation on that campus.  Like he was supposed to go there for some purpose.  Would he ever go there?  The boy didn't know.  He felt he should follow his own path instead of following his friends.  But the boy longed to see them again, to see their happy, smiling faces again.

-250